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Phil's Web Log

2003-08-27 10:40 UTC Damn geeky girlfriends

For once I have another reader and I'm doing it without linking myself to get a pingback...not that pingback works on this thing right now. Anyway... "< citoyen > I'm kinda curious as well :)" ... you see, another reader. Though here it may be out of context, considering it's on my blog it would more likely be an expression of lesbian tendencies...however it's not.

History of a blog: I once wrote a blog when Tom was starting out with his girlfriend Weez. I'm not entirely sure if they were dating when I wrote it...but that's beside the point. There are 4 immediate people I require to be happy in life...and as such in good relationships. Firstly me then Ian, Tom and Mike. I never worried too much about Mike because he usually seems above the world I live in...in a different world where stuff is less important. I thought it would change Tom's life for the better and keep him and me amused. I thought me getting one would be superb (and it is) and finally I wanted Ian to get one for the same reason. I will explore the history of it a little more shortly.

So to the present. Ian has a girlfriend. Her name is Eira (hi Eira :) ) and she lives in Bergen, Norway. He currently resides in Oslo, Norway working at Opera which is where he met her quite a few weeks ago. Upon doing this he fell into exactly the same trap I fell into with Claire and a place we have been before too many times. It's not that we fall for lots of girls, it's just it seems to be the same. They like us because we're smart and funny but don't feel some amazing chemistry right away and need a little convincing that we're really a great idea. It's made worse by the repeated rejection can convince you that you're not such a great idea anyway and convincing a girl you hardly know of something you don't believe...well, it gets harder.

So they became friends. He tried it on and got a fairly indefinite rejection. More of a "not right now but I like you." I didn't like this idea. A "maybe" from a girl can be much worse than a flat out "no". Good has prevailed though. He got to know her, they became friends and during a short trip to see her recently, they got a little bit tired and seemed to have difficulty finding separate places to sleep. He now gets to explore all those places (i'm talking mental places here..*slap*) we all do for the first few months of a relationship. The moments when you figure out why it is you like them (usually because they make you smile...and it is that simple) and why they like you. You have so much to learn about a person before you can even begin to learn about current stuff. The guy in the local take-away to the house with Tom, Mike and myself in once asked me what you do when you reach the point where you have nothing left to say to each other...when you've talked about everything you can. Well...we all kinda get there. I find that i'm equally comfortable with Claire in silence as when talking. Stuff always happens that you can talk about and more importantly...you do stuff together, experience things and share interests to talk about. The common set of interests between Eira and Ian is a little scary. I hope they have a few key differences, things they can disapprove of in each other...I like those bits of me the most. I disapprove of Claire, she disapproves of me and it keeps us smiling. All it takes for me is a healthy love of violence, gore, guns, knives...*cough* hmmm...I really am a good person.

I suspect Ian could spend quite a while revisiting the topic of why exactly Eira likes him and why she'd be inclined to stay as his girlfriend. He likes asking questions, he's curious about the world much as I am. I've never resolved the question. I can explain to someone why I am hopelessly in love with Claire and that we will always be together...with such certainty...but when someone asks me why she loves me? It's a tricky one. I get a wry smile and think to myself that it's cus I really am smart and funny and that there is nobody who could love her as much as I do. I don't really believe that i'm a lovable person in a way, I still think of myself as a 12 year old...i dislike the public, talking to strangers, frankly I often behave as a 12 year old. I doubt i'll ever understand why i'm worthy of the devotion of another human being...but I _am_. It is the question that drives us. Maybe i'll figure it out, maybe he will.

I believe Eira may have to be a tolerant person. Ian and I are also alike in one other key aspect. The more somebody knows us, the less polite and kindly we act towards them. Being polite isn't fun, it's slow and it gets in the way of life. Claire get's the raw me...it's often pretty blunt but it saves time. I don't _need_ to be polite to her. She is equally impolite towards me. The verbal abuse flies, the taunts, the teasing...we are children. We feel no responsibility when with each other and this relaxed childish state is one reason why we're so happy...it's fun to be childish. I think Ian might turn out the same way the more he gets to know her. I guess I can only be this way because Claire is also childish...and tolerant. I'm pretty certain Ian will be like this actually. He'll never appologise for being the way he is...because it's _the way he is_. He will also forever be open about the way he is and won't understand too well if you're shocked by him being that way.

Men are very simple people. We have our dillusions and our insecurities but essentially we are so so simple. Ask us a question and expect an honest answer. We will always behave the way we instinctively want to behave...when we get the gut feeling that something is not as it should...we get out. Above all we are logical. Ian is the true king of logical pedants. God help you. Women are also simple people. Shoes, handbags, threats of voilence for sexist blog comments. Learn to cook for her...it worked for me.

This isn't too coherant. This is the problem with someone repeatedly telling you to write a blog entry. It's hard to form your thoughts. I am so so so so happy Ian's in this situation. I was happy for me when I ended up in it and since then i've just waited to see all my friends end up doing the same, and they all have. What's more amusing is the fact that Eira took some convincing and they ended up getting together whilst lying around watching Buffy together. The only thing different about Claire and I would be changing the name "Eira"->"Claire". It really is identical.

It's only taken nearly 5 years to end up here. I guess Ian and I first got talking about girls midway-late in our first year of uni really. We never stopped though. It was one tragedy to the next. They never worked out like in the movies. We were never suprised, but always hopeful. I have spent a long time convincing him that the day he would have a cool girlfriend would happen...and it finally has. Maybe I can get a rest now....or maybe he'll never shut up about how cool and amazing she is. I'll probably learn how to make an irc bot which can just nod and smile if that happens.

Here ends me having to tell anyone in the group of 4 that there is a girl for them and that she's just around the corner. Thank. You. God.

p.s. Eira, don't break him too much. He's insufferable anyway, don't be too nice to him too much. Don't offer sexual entertainment either....Ian's always said that he finds it a major turnoff for girls to enjoy pleasuring him...he'd much rather let them have fun, like a true gent...

Is that good enough Ian? Can I go eat some food now? Can I go watch the directors commentary on Desperado now? Good.

fuck...i missed a paragraph. I missed the one about why Ian is such a great guy and really is worthy. He's all those things the guys in the movies are...the romantic comedy ones anyway. He's also a freak, but besides that...he's clever, funny...on occasion very funny, thoughtful, caring and frankly he'll always do the right thing and he will always be there for you if humanly possible. You won't be able to dislike him...ever. He's just good. He also has silly hair and a silly beard. He's adorable if you put a mowmow anywhere near him also. so yeah, Ian rocks...and i'm a good judge of character.

Goodnight Seattle, i'll be here all week.

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