Phil's Web Log

2002-08-20 06:01 UTC Wish I was there

My head hurts. I would say that i've been learning java, but it would be more accurate to say that i'm attempting to assimilate java. Lots of reading. Lots and lots of it. I'm getting through it though, trying to break it up with doing some coding of examples and stuff. It'll get more interesting when i'm learning about graphics and GUIs. I can't say that I like java because Hixie has pretty much tried to instill a hatred of java and internet explorer into me over the last few years. I still like c though, it makes sense to me.

3 hours....just 3 more hours til I'm effectively going to London. I'm gonna relax tonight, watch a bit of ST:Voyager (first half of the last episode of the entire series...and I haven't seen it yet) and chill. My train is at 9.57 so not much in the way of getting up early. Never a bad thing. Mike's calling Laurence to ask him along....so if he's coming i'll try and get a train with him. Travelling is much more fun when you have people to talk to.

That's about it I guess. Hixie's headed down to Greece for a while so I won't be seeing him til September sometime. Still no clue when he's off to get a job yet. He might know more when he gets back as he's visiting a W3C conference in Paris. Still, i'm just clutching at the idea of seeing Claire on Friday to get me through the week. It is made easier by spending a day in London though...no complaints here :)

2002-08-19 08:36 UTC To Leicester Square Dr Watson

I managed to get my remaining holiday time booked today, some at fairly short notice. I've taken Wednesday off and Thursday morning so I can go to London and meet up with Mike and hang out without fear of being too tired to get up the next day. Good plan. I have no idea what we're doing, but we very rarely have a plan. London has enough stuff to do that plans are really arbitrary anyway. I'm sure there will be a blog entry...

Had a good weekend. Saturday (as you will see on hixie's blog entry) I spent the day with him and we had some good food and spent the rest of the day playing on my xbox. He did not kick my ass at Dead or Alive 3, though it was generally close :). I spent Sunday catching up on regular stuff like cleaning and laundry which is so thrilling. I did convince Claire to (probably...nothing is ever definite with Claire) come down on Friday after work. That means I only have another 2 and a half working days before I get to see her. That's my kinda week. Not long to go now, not long at all.

2002-08-16 10:15 UTC New Horizons

Today was easily the most interesting day at work in the last month. I've been moved over to another building in Bath to work on some in-house java stuff. I've got a few weeks to learn java and then do some actual work with it. This is a great improvement on being off-charge with just training to do.

Also a bonus is that there's some more work on one of my previous (and favourite) projects coming in. I was told that i'd be top of the list to get brought on to do some of it. I might even get to do some more advanced stuff, like design work and possibly higher up testing/integration stuff. Who knows, but i'd enjoy it. It certainly makes me feel better about my current job prospects. Do some java, then maybe some c design. Not bad.

On an even better note, it's the weekend. Thank God for weekends.

2002-08-15 05:57 UTC "Fuck Her Gently"

At the weekend I watched a little cable, on one of the music channels I witnessed a song called "Tribute" by Tenacious D. I'd never heard of this band but I liked what I saw. It was good music, interesting music...but most of all it made me smile. Other songs included some pretty random stuff, including the subject of this post.

I looked for their single/album all over Bath yesterday to no avail. I happened to take another look today whilst in HMV and they somehow had this one little copy today. "Was it fate?" I hear you cry. Well, I don't know. So far i'm on track 9 of 21. There's various songs on the album, and then more comedy tracks of talking. It's good stuff though. They don't take themselves seriously, and neither can I. It kinda reminds me of Spinal Tap. Spinal Tap did some good music but it was pure comedy. Tenacious D do good music, but it's also fun stuff.

I'm remarkably happy today. I chatted to Hixie (the one who can't cook) last night and that definitely cheered me up. I've also arranged with Hixie to meet up sometime over the weekend. Along similar lines i'm gonna see Mike next week and meet up in London. Another big plus was that I spoke to Claire 3 times last night. We're both really looking forward to seeing each other in just over a week. I can't wait.

2002-08-14 06:06 UTC Where the heart is

I'm not having a great time at the moment. My psuedo-life is fine. Day to day life is fun and the cooking is good, the reading is enjoyable etc etc. It's all entirely pointless though. I imagine that I feel very much the same as if I had been stored in stasis for several months. I'm merely going through the motions of life. I do it simply because I know how to do it and I'm not sure what i'd do if I stopped. At the end of June my life came to a halt and only in September will it continue.

There are moments of hope here and there. I get to see her for a weekend, or a day once in a while....but just as soon as i've awakened from the seemingly perpetual stasis I fall back to sleep. It's not really depression though. It's just the absence of the feelings I have when she is near.

I realise that just as quickly as the summer began, it will have ended. I like to believe that anyway. However, the last month and a half could have been years for all i feel. I pray that the next month will show more kindness. I see her in a week and a half, then maybe once more before she returns. Sadly I don't have anything to take my mind from it. No current game, no close friends nearby, no book I want to read which doesn't constantly remind me of her.

Some would read this and argue that I need a separate life from her...that what she does affects me too much. I have no choice in my feelings for we are like one entity. Much like my mind has seperate areas and views, She and I have separate feelings and thoughts, but we are the same thing. When she is gone, I don't just think about it, I feel it constantly. Soon may she return, and end the suffering.

2002-08-13 01:15 UTC Ready steady blog

I'm having fun at the moment by creating subject titles based around stuff i'm doing. This one (if you follow English tv) concerns cooking. I've recently got over my bizarre fear of aubergines and they now feature in lots of meals I cook. Moreso than courgettes now. Better than this new found veg though is what I accomplished last night.

For quite a while my cooking has been improving. A curry would once have been "meat + curry sauce + heat." This advanced whilst living with Mike to Meat, lots of veg, fresh herbs, other spices and stuff like coconut milk. Only at the end would I add a little pataks curry paste for flavouring. Even this though was not good enough. Last night I cooked my first authentic curry. I did all the usual veg but instead of the pataks stuff, I made my own. I'm proud of this because there's a general feeling in the world that most english men can't cook. I'm glad they can't because i'm a better person for it, but to be doing indian food like this....it gives me hope.

After eating my curry last night I was filled with the feeling that I really could accomplish anything in the kitchen if I put my mind to it. I keep saying that i'll learn mexican and chinese style cooking. I don't really want to learn much of them...just a few things. I'd love to do a nice pollo enchilada (keep hixie and myself happy), and suff like fajitas filled with chicken, onions, peppers and other mexican things. Same with chinese, just a good sweet and sour or beef in black bean sauce. So these are my new goals. I want to get a book of indian recipies that would be served in England, traditional curry stuff like "Chicken sag", "Chicken Balti" etc. That way I can get more vary the stuff I cook more and get to know the spices better.

That's me done for today on cooking anyway. I'm not up to much else. The java game is pretty much done and works pretty well. Onto some Object Oriented training stuff now. Might have been useful a few weeks ago...

2002-08-07 05:43 UTC One blog to rule them all, one blog to find them

As you may have guessed, I watched Lord of the Rings last night. The dvd was released yesterday and I had a strange desire to buy and watch it. So I did. I don't really know the plot of the other movies but i'm kinda hoping that Frodo has to do some fighting. Godfather, Star Wars etc...young person grows up with responsibility but ultimately has to get their hands dirty to get the job done. I want to see that happen.

I've also started reading the books. I tried once before but became busy with something. I'm hoping to read Fellowship of the Ring by the end of this week and the other two next week. It's ultimately out of a desire to know what happens...but also to see how it differs from the film. I really need to read more, but I've been thinking that for years. I just watch movies instead.

Heading to see my family this weekend. Should be fun but i'm tempted to take monday off work to recover. Could be a waste of a day off though. We'll see. Dug out a few xbox games to play in my spare time until Sega GT 2002 comes out next month and also Robotech Battlecry. Over the next few months there could well be a lot of console games coming out that I want, but I can afford them now so it's no bad thing :)

Anyway, here's to the future. Doom 3, Twin Towers, Matrix 2, Matrix 3, Return of the King and most of all, Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball.

2002-08-03 11:51 UTC Train Blogging

I'm on a train back from Reading right now. It's a little bit odd to be writing a weblog entry like this but fun at the same time. Had a really good day visiting Claire too. Shopping, Cinema, eating etc. We have a routine that we generally stick to, although we skipped morning muffins for a trip to the hagen daaz cafe instead.

Saw Austin Powers 3 at the cinema. It had it's moments but I hope Mike Myers goes on to other things. Finally got round to buying Macross Plus on dvd (both oav and movie) and also the new Joe Satriani album "strange beautiful music." that's my evening Sorted.

Not much else going on. No other weekend plans really. Just trying not to spend money and eat lots of fruit. who needs ricochet anyway?

2002-08-02 01:29 UTC Empathy

Ordinarily i'd be really happy right now. I'm heading off to Reading tomorrow to see Claire for the day. It's always something which will brighten up my summer. However, i'm feeling pretty sad for one of my best friends. He's spent the last few months being optimistic and positive...and happier than i've ever seen him. Now...it's pretty much all collapsed in a heap around him and he's too far away for me to do anything about it. Not suprisingly, this involves the opposite sex.

I've done some fairly stupid stuff when all god seemed to do was shit on me from an incredibly great height and I guess i'm hoping he doesn't. He'll get over this one and will eventually be happy...but not suprisingly asks the question "why me, why for once can't i be the lucky one" which is the same question I used to ask.

I'm not sure how many people are in happy relationships on this planet. I guess a large portion of people meet up in clubs/pubs and have a 60% sex, 40% arguments style thing going. Then there's all the ones who divorce, hate each other or just plain don't get on. Somewhere though, there are the people who are in happy loving relationships. It's not half though, it's definitely the minority.

This stuff has brought back some memories of how I felt everytime someone wanted to "just be friends" or felt like I was more of a brother to them. There's a list of girls from my past who I will never forget. But i'm glad...because if they hadn't wanted to be just friends, I might not be with Claire now, and I don't think all the other relationships I could have had with those girls could have compared.

One day my friend will feel the same. He'll be glad it didn't work out because it wouldn't have been for the best. I don't believe it would work between him and the current girl anyway simply from what I know. I hope he realises that he was right to try, and to keep trying with girls...and that he shouldn't regret it because if it was meant to work out, then it would have done. I hope he realises this stuff because it's what i've learned through being rejected more times than I like to think about.

My final message goes to all the girls out there who seem to keep making guys like us into just good friends. *Big fucking bitchslap*. You need to realise that whilst we night not always look it, we're the best fish in the sea. We'll do everything we ever can for you and our sole aim isn't just to get into your pants. You women....you need to wise up.

2002-07-30 07:46 UTC One year down

Today is the anniversary of me starting work at IPL. It's not really an important or interesting detail, but the fact lends itself to a little restrospective thought. Hmm, a whole year.

With Claire away and nothing to really do with my evenings, cooking has become an all important force in my life. I'm presently trying to improve the quality of food I intake by a) eating better lunches and b) eating better at home. The food I cook is generally healthy but I am prone to pub lunches and take-away. No longer. I'm doing packed lunches for work including lots of fruit. On the evening meal side, I'm just going to try and eat home cooked food every night. I won't eat too much and it gives me a great excuse to cook amazing tasting food and to try out new stuff. Not to mention more opportunity to play with knives :)

In a similar vein, I started developing the food section of wuki today. Recipies etc. Hopefully I'll be able to get Mike to send me a few to put up. I'm writing up mine. I can edit them as I improve them. Overall it gives me a good place to store recipies and if people ask how I cook stuff, it makes the response a lot shorter. So anyway, here's to me cooking better and eating better.

This page was created by Phil Waring, Copyright 2003

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